I suppose I should be keeping up on my life...

I don't expect too many read this blog since I haven't been keeping up with it, but I have decided to try to write a few things this evening mainly for myself.
I have realized that my two best friends are very similar. Not the way they look, but the way they live their lives and their opinions on life and things in general. They don't have the same gifts or hobbies, just a similar outlook on life. I think it is interesting how that happened.
I am also happy to say that I have started to become friends with my cousins! Who would have thought that would have happened a couple of years ago. I generally don't get in contact with anyone unless they are my sisters(either blood, or in spirit), or parent figures. I have discovered that I do have things in common with my cousins and we might even be "kindred spirits"(Anne of Green Gables reference). And I think they might even like spending time with me too.
On the negative side, this job change that I took because I thought I would be assured a better quality of life is a struggle to keep that way. I really only want to have to worry about work during the 45 hours a week I am scheduled. I know I generally have had a "work-a-holic" title attached to my name but at this point in my life I want to be working on relationships rather than P&Ls and checking in on people that are supposed to be able to do a job. I don't like to remind people that they made a commitment when they decided to become part of the company and if they don't want to fulfill that commitment they just need to move on to another job. I also don't like having to deal with the consequences of choices that my employees have made. I made my choices in life in order to stay away from the influences of drugs, alcoholism, domestic abuse, etc. and I don't like that I am still affected by these things due to someone else's choices.
Any way Asi es la vida.(sp?) I used to say that all the time. Is is true? That's just life? I don't think so. I just finished reading "The Shack." I am not going to give a literary review here or even decide what I believe about what is stated as truth in this book. I only know God is powerful enough to do that if he wants. But why do humans, I include myself here, continue to carry all their burdens around with them? When God is reaching out and loving us no matter what why can't we just give in? Choose to be loved and learn to love Him? Why do I give so much value and power to pain, fear, sin, and so on? Why don't I let Him make me free? I have no answers for my questions. Generally I am good at knowing my faults, I just do a bad job of fixing them. I know my questions and rants aren't original and I suppose that should be comforting but I think it is scary. Who does know the answers? How do I change? How do I hear God? I don't know how to listen to Him. I only know how to see Him in His creation. In the mountains and meadows, waterfalls and lakes, animals domestic and wild. But aren't we supposed to be the best creation? The pinaccle of His thought? I sure don't feel I live up to all that.
I also wonder how my choices in life have affected other people. I like to think I'm not as bad as other people because a lot of my sins aren't pasted on my forehead for the world to see like a lot of people. That doesn't mean I make good choices though. Have I made someone's life misery because of my sin?

How do I hear you God?